Lawn Care Business Forum Lawn Care Business Book Lawn Care Business Blog Lawn Care Software
Home Forum Contract & Flyer Templates Blog Software Videos Podcast Calculators / Estimators Store Mower Review Design It Yourself Lawn Business School

Go Back   GopherHaul Landscaping & Lawn Care Business Marketing Forum > Lawn Care, Landscaping, and Property Management Forums > General Talk

General Talk If it doesn't fit anywhere else, post it here.

Make me laugh


General Talk

If it doesn't fit anywhere else, post it here.
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #1  
Old 07-25-2009, 01:31 PM
Steve's Avatar
Steve Steve is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 37,574
Rep Power: 10
Steve has disabled reputation
Default Make me laugh

Got a funny joke or picture to make us laugh, share it.

I saw this pictured and laughed. Weatherman Al Roker gets unwanted attention from a dog.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg al-roker-gingerbread-man-dog-01.jpg (248.0 KB, 11 views)
__________________
- Subscribe to my Lawn Care Marketing Blog Feed and get daily tips sent to you. Free!
Download your Free trial of Gopher Lawn Care Software.
Reply With Quote

Stop guess-timating. Learn how to estimate and make money! $$$
Mow Time Estimator Lawn Care Price Estimator Mulch and Topsoil Calculator Snow Plow Estimate Calculator


  #2  
Old 07-25-2009, 02:36 PM
CHEESE2009 CHEESE2009 is offline
Dr. Scott - Ruler of the Underworld
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Switzerland, Grindelwald
Age: 74
Posts: 4,475
Rep Power: 0
CHEESE2009 is on a distinguished road
Default

Lawn care business tipsLawn Care Business Book
Whenever I'm thirsty I get a drink.

The glasses & cups I use are all different sizes, I often drink out of a small pitcher.

So I fill my pitcher up with ice water & go sit down to relax. After watching a bit of a movie I forgot I had a drink with me, & went to get another one.

I fill it with water & return to my seat. I take a sip, put it down. A few minutes pass & I go to grab the previous cup of water. As I stare into the tv, I basically tossed the water into my face causing me to nearly drown.

It was also ice water, packed with ice, I can't get enough ice!

I was soaked, & freezing. My air condition was on & blasting right above me.

I take off my clothes & decide to have a hot shower.

I check the tempature, it's PERFECT. I hop in.

ONE SECOND PASSES & I swear a snowman just jump kicked me in the face, the water shot out & it was cold as ice!

I go to turn the nob to see what's up & then the shower head falls on me for no good reason! So I'm there holding the shower head trying to fix it while I'm freezing to death.

I manage to get it snapped back where it's supposed to be, & I hit the nob to turn the shower off....

IT FELL OFF!!

So now I'm trying to put the nob back on, I decide to let the shower win the battle, & jump out!

NOPE!

I jump out & the shower head falls back out & lands outside of the tub, spraying me & the entire room.

I toss it in the tub & close the shower curtain of death & realize I don't have any towels around to dry off, they are all in the wash...

I attempt to open the washer, which was on the spin cycle. I thought it was a good idea, but nope! Just slapped a soaking wet towel on myself!

I go to the room & think about jumping in my bed with the covers, but then It'd all get soaked...



SOLUTION:

Put on my boxers, grab my boots & get outside!

INSTANT satisfaction!

- I now know how to use the shower, apparently all this time I have been trying to turn it the wrong way accidentally, & it then gave up and broke.

The shower head is expendable, so it's like a hose with a head. Good for nothing....
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-25-2009, 03:02 PM
Steve's Avatar
Steve Steve is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 37,574
Rep Power: 10
Steve has disabled reputation
Default

LOL Put this in your next movie HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
__________________
- Subscribe to my Lawn Care Marketing Blog Feed and get daily tips sent to you. Free!
Download your Free trial of Gopher Lawn Care Software.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-25-2009, 06:33 PM
mark123's Avatar
mark123 mark123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Pennsyltucky
Posts: 1,402
Rep Power: 8
mark123 is on a distinguished road
Default

A world famous orchestral conductor was recently scheduled to perform at a local venue. During rehersal 2 weeks before the performance the first seat trumpet fell ill and could not continue. Due to the important trumpet solo no other performer could be found to fill his seat.

One of the violinists came to the distressed conductor and suggested a replacement.

"I know a local jazz trumpeter that surely could fill the job," said the violinist.
"No, no, no! I will not have a dirty, smelly, sloppy-playing jazz man perform in my orchestra!!!" said the conductor.
"But, sir, there is no other."
"I do not believe an undisciplined jazz player can hold his own with our strict style, but I have no choice. Call him in for tomorrows rehersal. We will audition him. Make sure he is promt, if that is possible for him."

The next day, 3 seconds before rehersal was to begin, in runs the jazz man. His trumpet was unpolished, and wrapped in the daily news and judging by his clothes he could by no means afford a case for the instrument. The conductor hands him the score and the jazz man nonchalantly scans it, folds it, and puts it in his back pocket.

"Aren't you going to play with us today?" asked the annoyed conductor.
"Sure, man. I am wit' ya." came the reply.
"Are you going to follow the score?"
"Oh, yeah, man. I got it?" said the Jazz man.
"I can't believe what I am getting myself into." said the conductor under his breath.
"Mellow out, man. Hit it!" ordered the jazz man.
"Indeed!" grunted the conductor.

While waiting for his part the jazz man closed his eyes and simply snapped his fingers, causing the conductor to stop the music and ask, "Sir, are you paying attention? How will you follow my conducting with your eyes closed?"
"I'm cool, man. I caught your groove!"
"Alright then, let's start from your solo." the conductor said intending to end this farce and embarass the jazz man.
"Right on!" was his reply.

The jazz trumpeter played flawlessly. He was on tempo, in pitch, and his playing oozed with emotion. Needless to say the conductor was amazed, but he was still sure the jazz man would somehow prove himself unreliable.

In the next week the jazz man was on time to every rehersal, played perfectly and even agreed to stop snapping his fingers during the performance. He cut his hair, trimmed his goatee, polished his trumpet, and dressed properly for the dress rehersal the day before the performance was to happen.

After the dress rehersal the conductor went to the jazz man and shook his hand and said, "Sir, I must apologize for prejudjing you. I thought jazz men were unreliable, undisciplined, dirty, smelly and sloppy musicians, but you have proved me wrong. You are one of the best musicians I have ever worked with and you have proved yourself reliable by being on time and knowing your parts. I am quite impressed!"

The jazz man replied, "Wow, thanks, man! I mean, it's the least I can do...seeing that I can't make it to the gig."
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-26-2009, 12:22 AM
Little's's Avatar
Little's Little's is offline
Brandon
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Shasta Lake CA.
Posts: 814
Rep Power: 9
Little's is on a distinguished road
Default

hahaha haha
__________________
Northern California
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-26-2009, 09:43 AM
swstout's Avatar
swstout swstout is offline
Steve
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canastota, NY
Age: 66
Posts: 1,082
Rep Power: 8
swstout is on a distinguished road
Default Children and other hazzards of sex

My best employee, Bill, Had never been late, had never complained, never refused overtime. If you looked up "perfect employee" in the dictionary, you would see a picture of Bill.

Monday, at 7am Bill hadn't showed up without a call. Never happened before. He would call if there was a chance he would be late. 8am, still no bill or a call from him. I decided to call and see if anything was wrong.

A small voice answered the phone in a whisper. "Hello"

I said, "hello, is your father home"?

"Yes" came the whispered response.

"Could I talk to him", I asked.

"No, he's busy talking to the Police" was the whispered response.

"Could I talk to your Mother", I asked?

Again in a whisper, "No she is busy with the firemen".

I wanted to talk to an adult to see if there was anything I could do, so "I asked if he would put one of the police of firemen on the Phone"?

"No" came his whispered response. "Their all busy getting ready for search and rescue"!

Search and rescue, Who's missing"?

After a short pause, "me" he whispered and then hung up.

Steve

ps, This is a joke, my neighbor told.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-26-2009, 07:44 PM
Steve's Avatar
Steve Steve is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 37,574
Rep Power: 10
Steve has disabled reputation
Default

LOL hahahhahahaha
__________________
- Subscribe to my Lawn Care Marketing Blog Feed and get daily tips sent to you. Free!
Download your Free trial of Gopher Lawn Care Software.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-02-2009, 10:24 PM
swstout's Avatar
swstout swstout is offline
Steve
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canastota, NY
Age: 66
Posts: 1,082
Rep Power: 8
swstout is on a distinguished road
Default

I heard this one today from my neighbor.

A woman at the department of Social Services applying for public assistance was answering questions by the case worker.

Case worker, "do you have any children living at home?"

Woman, "Yes my 5 sons."

Case Worker, "What are their names and ages?"

Woman, "John and they are 2,3,4,5, and 7."

Caseworker' "What are all their names?

Woman, "I named them all John."

Caseworker, Why on earth would you name all your children with the same name?"

Woman, "When I want something done, I yell John, take out the garbage or John, do the dishes, or whatever I wand done. Someone always does it."

Caseworker, " I guess I can see your point, but what if you want to address one particular son?"

Woman, "Oh, then I call him by his last name!"

Steve
__________________


Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Laugh if you want - NEW TRAILER CHEESE2009 Show Off - Picture Post - Photo Gallery 15 05-22-2009 03:16 PM
What does it take to make it? Steve General Business Discussions 4 12-17-2007 10:12 AM
Wanna laugh so hard you will cry? Steve GopherHaul Lawn Care Business Show, Video, Book & Podcast Discussions. 2 10-26-2007 02:00 AM
Would you like to make one of these? Steve General Talk 0 04-09-2007 09:31 PM
How much could you make Steve General Business Discussions 1 08-27-2004 12:28 PM

» Recent Threads
  RatingTitle, Username, & Date Last Post Replies Views
Sample commercial bid
burtle
Yesterday 06:02 PM
Today 10:48 AM
by Steve
1 79
Your 2015 summer review.
Steve
09-01-2015 11:01 AM
Today 10:09 AM
by Steve
4 157
SCAG Tiger Cat DECK...
rower30
08-24-2013 10:07 AM
Today 08:50 AM
by Sunpointair
15 4,980
best way to.....
Wolf4dk
Yesterday 11:35 AM
Today 06:45 AM
by Chilehead
4 85
John Deere 667a
acrajchel
08-30-2015 10:00 AM
Yesterday 07:45 PM
by Just for Cuts
5 129
Dane Scag
Steve
08-28-2015 12:29 PM
08-28-2015 12:29 PM
by Steve
0 104
24 and 50 acre cemetery...
grassmasterswilson
08-18-2015 10:09 AM
08-26-2015 02:42 PM
by Steve
13 645
Rookie business question...
WarriorLandscapingCAN
08-05-2015 05:20 PM
08-26-2015 02:33 PM
by Steve
3 438
How to clean an old...
rmccutchan
08-16-2015 05:23 PM
08-26-2015 02:31 PM
by Steve
9 461
how to make customers...
Bradcook21
05-27-2015 05:04 PM
08-26-2015 12:25 PM
by kslawn
19 3,823
Needing a website built
burtle
06-17-2015 09:02 AM
08-25-2015 11:31 AM
by acrajchel
9 2,516
Big mowing job
Bradcook21
07-30-2015 03:57 PM
08-25-2015 11:23 AM
by acrajchel
17 1,053
ZTR Review
Shark1611
05-31-2012 10:42 PM
08-25-2015 11:16 AM
by acrajchel
8 3,801
Hi Everyone
mmays29
08-25-2015 08:16 AM
08-25-2015 11:15 AM
by Steve
3 144
Should I buy this Exmark...
googus
07-03-2015 09:22 AM
08-25-2015 11:08 AM
by acrajchel
11 1,272
Old Business New Owner
Toyman
06-17-2014 08:57 PM
08-25-2015 11:00 AM
by acrajchel
16 1,655
Hi everyone! We're new...
alltrades
08-22-2015 12:46 PM
08-24-2015 10:41 AM
by Steve
2 199
CAn I get some help with...
rootytalbot
08-11-2015 06:14 PM
08-24-2015 10:36 AM
by Steve
12 598
Hi
Wemowjunction
08-16-2015 08:45 PM
08-20-2015 01:46 PM
by Steve
11 447
Drive cable bad?
SGL1
08-10-2015 11:16 PM
08-20-2015 01:41 PM
by Steve
5 407
Hey there everyone
Cole8999
08-16-2015 04:42 PM
08-18-2015 04:35 PM
by Steve
3 284
Help with a truck
bdodson89
04-27-2015 08:15 PM
08-18-2015 11:47 AM
by rmccutchan
7 1,048
I need some aeration...
rootytalbot
08-14-2015 12:32 PM
08-18-2015 07:59 AM
by rootytalbot
7 503
Say Hello !!!
Steve
03-19-2007 11:18 AM
08-17-2015 04:34 PM
by Steve
1,229 406,438
Whats wrong with this...
GreenWorx
07-28-2015 07:56 PM
08-16-2015 11:42 PM
by rmccutchan
3 632
What's your next...
Steve
05-15-2015 11:54 AM
08-16-2015 11:09 PM
by SC93
16 1,288
These are the days on...
ExtremeLawncareServices
01-11-2015 10:41 AM
08-14-2015 11:08 PM
by scaypa
95 11,550
New Biz
kufnerins
08-14-2015 05:52 PM
08-14-2015 08:56 PM
by Steve
1 237
Chemical and Fertilizer...
rmccutchan
08-09-2015 10:36 PM
08-13-2015 11:11 PM
by rmccutchan
6 450
String trim BEFORE mow...
Mr. Mow
04-12-2015 08:13 AM
08-13-2015 02:10 PM
by rootytalbot
12 2,123
Hello all thinking about...
bernie
08-11-2015 04:28 PM
08-13-2015 10:33 AM
by Steve
8 401
Logo Help Font Color
LZLC
08-08-2015 09:26 PM
08-12-2015 03:50 PM
by Steve
4 384
Pricing issue
Mr. Mow
07-07-2015 06:15 AM
08-12-2015 12:30 AM
by Jeff1
20 1,864
My new mower
Chilehead
08-08-2015 09:09 PM
08-11-2015 08:36 PM
by Chilehead
9 572
Thought this was a good...
Just for Cuts
08-06-2015 03:38 PM
08-11-2015 10:54 AM
by Steve
8 553
Plowing pricing
jcurr33
08-08-2015 04:58 PM
08-11-2015 10:51 AM
by Steve
6 563
Should I upgrade my back...
googus
08-07-2015 10:50 AM
08-11-2015 10:44 AM
by googus
7 471
Keeping it clean....
Wolf4dk
08-09-2015 11:31 PM
08-11-2015 06:34 AM
by Chilehead
7 394
I have been rude and...
biglee
06-15-2015 10:11 PM
08-10-2015 09:41 PM
by stallman419
12 2,787
Newbie Saying Hi.
LZLC
08-08-2015 09:22 PM
08-10-2015 11:20 AM
by Steve
1 283
How much do I charge to...
Chris Herrera
08-06-2015 09:30 PM
08-09-2015 11:31 AM
by biglee
2 495
scag SWZT review!
mattthelawnguy
07-23-2015 02:28 PM
08-07-2015 03:26 PM
by Steve
17 1,191
Best commercial contract...
sanlanct
08-04-2015 12:18 PM
08-06-2015 06:20 AM
by sanlanct
2 426
I came across this on a...
rootytalbot
08-02-2015 11:04 AM
08-05-2015 08:17 PM
by SC93
9 662
Help bidding a hedge...
hopolb33
08-02-2015 06:09 PM
08-05-2015 02:07 PM
by Steve
3 462
» Popular Tags
ad landscaping advertising aerocore applying bark billy goat brushcutter blowout bob villa bush contract help curb appeal services demonstration design door hangers edging employee problems equipment dealer equipment rental facebook flyers free advertising free lawn care google growing a lawn care business hiring how to hydro increase customers jobs landscape landscaping landscaping training lawn aeration lawn care lawn mowing marketing marketing secrets more customers business mr dave mulch new business ordinance per hour charge per hour service plowing pricing profit on employee roundup scag secrets to landscaping sell the vision seo shell shreaded solo solo backpack sprayer sq ft square foot swzt tree tree pics up sell employee walk behind web design website website design winterization wood www.greenturion.co.za
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.1.0

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:59 PM.


(C) 2011 Riggs Publications - Terms of use & Privacy Policy

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:59 PM.

(C) 2011 Riggs Publications - Terms of use & Privacy Policy