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Trials & Tribulations - The drama of running a business and of life. It's not as easy as it looks. Running a business is full of drama. Customers, employees, money, family, time. You name it, it's a problem. Share with us your drama and how you handled it.

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Trials & Tribulations - The drama of running a business and of life.

It's not as easy as it looks. Running a business is full of drama. Customers, employees, money, family, time. You name it, it's a problem. Share with us your drama and how you handled it.
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  #11  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:22 AM
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Life is not fair, it's just worth it.
I'm trying to prove you right! It's worth it if I can be cured. Though my ability to keep fighting is fading. It's just not working. Hope hope hope hope hope hope, it's all I have, & it's either there for a short while, then it's gone the next.


come down here and get some SUN
I could distract myself with that idea, but it just means my reality will come crashing down hard. The more happy I am, the more I have to lose, & I just have to lose.

I've been folding flyers all day, listening to happy music. (just like your advice)

I then came across this song on the radio, & for f' sakes I want to meet the writer.

If this song is about what I think it is, wow. It makes so much sense to me, but is it just me? Is it what I think it's about. This song isn't about anybody else, but this one man & his mind?!?!?! Is he fighting like I am? What's going on.

Read the lyrics, & try to understand the way I see it. Forget about the sappy part, it's just the lyrics & what I think it means.




For the record, people all have different reasons for cutting themselves.

I do it because it gives me a rush, & within that time I am able to accomplish anything, my own death. Cutting is not the way I'm going out of this world. It's free adrenaline, & it makes me feel happy, I can't stop laughing as I do it. It must release some sort of chemical in my body that is just comforting.

I thought if I get my adrenaline fix & my alcohol fix, I can let myself die. Just wasn't enough!

It feels different being stuck at a hospital for 14 hours with every damn machine hooked into your body. I felt like a took one step backwards, & I am now a prisoner of both worlds.

How the heck am I going to convince this psychiatrist to let me free if he can't help me. 20 sessions, man... I need 22 years, & stock of pens & paper.

But I would rather disappear than to try to recollect all that has happened in my life, that's way to overwhelming.

Imagine you knew this one person your entire life. You & this person have done EVERYTHING, a heck of a lot more than the average person.

This friend of yours is now gone, & all you want is to find someone who can know all you've been through, every detail & moment. Your stuck knowing everything, & everyone new has no idea. You can't let them in because you have to relive it with them. Now it's too much to relive, & you don't remember, you can't help yourself now.

My "friend" was myself! I left myself. Does this all make sense?
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  #12  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:06 AM
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Hey buddy some of your questions cant be answered, i mean they can be but not by any of us.. but by a higher power that might sound stupid but its true.. And listen im not trying to be harsh, im truly not, what i'm about to say is, i would say it to my brother, because i care.. i dont know u and i probably will never now you u, but i do care because your acting like there is only one way out.. and your way out shouldn't have ever been an option in the first place. u dont need some stupid psychiatrist to tell you that u have a problem, your psychiatrist probably has a psychiatrist. I'm not telling u to stop going to him, i mean what ever helps u need to do it. but this isnt like u can go pay this guy money and he fixes all your problems, hell if it was that easy nobody would have problems, and trust me everybody has problems.. why do you think people listen to music?? its because the song relates to there life, i mean we could listen to the same song and it would mean something to me totally different than what it means to you, point is we both think the song is about ourselves, and it is about ourselves because we make them that way, thats what it is for, the song is talking to u, it means something to u.. just as u make that song relate to u need to make all the good things in your life relate to u, dont listen to negative music, listen to positive music, sometimes i hear music on the radio that reminds of all the good times i had in high school not to say that some music dont remind me of bad times.. but the good out shine the bad, because i make them that way, and u need to do the same.. dont do anything bad to yourself before u start making a positive change.. drinking and drug use, and cutting yourself is not a positive change. i mean how can u expect to make your life better if those are the things ur doing?? i dont mean to sound like a dick and i truly hope u never try to really end ur life. i mean thats drastic isnt it? there are so many good things in life, listen this might be harsh but u can kill yourself anytime you want to, right? nobody can control that but u, if ur going to do it, ur going to do it, i hope and pray to god that u wont, but i cant stop u, nobody can not even your psychiatrist. but promise yourself that u wont come down to that untill u give god a chance, u owe it to yourself.. come on breeze just try it.. stop drinking,stop cutting yourself and give it a chance.. thats just not the right thing to do. i beleave that we are all here to help each other find there way, and if your not here somebody somewhere wont ever be helped, because you were supose to be there helper and your not here anymore to help them.. doesnt that mean something to u? it might be somebody that has the same kinda of problems u have, it might be the mail man, it might be some sweet old lady that you do yard work for, hell i dont know who it is.. but trust me somebody needs ur help.. thats why we are here man. believe it are not but u are somebodys life saver, but you wont be there when your needed if you dont save your own life first, and that is tragic..
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  #13  
Old 03-12-2010, 01:58 AM
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No one can fight my demon, but myself.

I can't fight your demons, no one can - but yourself.

I believe we are on the same page with that.


How do I believe in God? I'll try my best not to disprove his existence.

That's my problem though. I disprove everything. ****!

I'd love to believe, my mind doesn't make it possible.

I can't just believe in the morals, I actually have to believe he is there. I need someone in my brain with me, who I can call out to when I need help.

This is crazy. What do I do? What if I believe in God, & then my mind disproves him later on in life. I'll feel like EVERYTHING has been lost. I'll lose my f'ing mind for guaranteed!

Ahhh!

Time for another tattoo.

I have two tattoos with the meanings;
"Friendship, Love, & Loyalty" & "Hope, Faith, Love, & Luck" the words aren't there, but there is a meaning behind the designs I drew.

I wore a string around my arm a few years ago, to remind me to stop hurting myself for success.

Maybe I need a tattoo for that. It wont break like string!


Back to believing in God. I feel like something is there sometimes, or maybe I'm just crazy.

The other night before I ended up in the hospital, when if I wasn't found I would have been dead.

I was walking home talking to "something", I was saying how I just wanted to die,

"just take me now, just f'ing kill me, just f'ing kill me, just f'ing kill me now. If your real, we both know I'm not going to hell, & when we meet I will never forgive you, what you are doing to me is wrong, you abuse your power.

If you have plans for me, show me something now, I am not going to suffer any longer, I want to know where my happiness is, give me a taste of it, give me a reason to stay alive"


I never felt such a thing, it was a meaningful conversation. I felt like I was getting through to someone. Though it's not like "it/him/her" gave a damn really.

SO, I ended up making my way home, collapsed, ambulance, > hospital for 14 hours. Hurray.
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  #14  
Old 03-12-2010, 03:56 AM
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Originally Posted by MountainViewGreenskeeper View Post
Hope Im not to forward with this but sounds like you need a little God in your life to center yourself/help you feel the happier side of things. When was the last time you did service for someone you dont do business with. Anyways ill keep my mouth shut on whar ever else I want to say.
I agree with this totally, if I did not lean on God as I understand him to be and believe in a higher power that would help me through the tough times, provide for me and be with me during the good times, I would have fallen apart years ago. Life is tough and at times it can seem like everywhere we look a curve ball is being thrown, a lawyer friend gave me some words of advice years ago when I was going through a divorce that almost ruined me as I didn't see it coming, "Andy if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger" I cling to that on bad days and ask my higher power to get me through it, works for me.
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  #15  
Old 03-12-2010, 04:24 AM
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Scott,

I am glad you made such a post. You can now see how everyone has issues going on in their lives. Some deal with them and move forwards, others can't get through them and never move forwards.

Here is my take on how to get through. Don't ever drink or take any drugs.

If you remove those two issues, you will be far ahead of the game. Nothing good ever comes from them and when you feel like you have an addictive personality, you certainly have to swear them off.

I have many stories for you on how people pissed their lives away with drugs and alcohol.

You are a very creative guy and there is no reason to take a darkened path. Take your creativity and make a positive step.

What things do you feel you can do to turn this around?

With all of what you are saying here, you may be saying it and feeling it, but I bet a lot of others reading this are dealing with similar issues and they would like to find a positive way out.

What are some positive step you feel you can take to make it better?
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  #16  
Old 03-12-2010, 05:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve View Post
What things do you feel you can do to turn this around?

What are some positive step you feel you can take to make it better?

I have to talk to my psychiatrist about something I just researched. I just read a diagnoses for something, & I read it feeling as if I wrote it. I'm not surprised, I am relieved, though this is something that can ruin my external life if I mentioned it right now.

I will keep all of you updated about what goes on during the sessions, & their effects.
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  #17  
Old 03-12-2010, 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by BREEZE2009 View Post
No one can fight my demon, but myself.

I can't fight your demons, no one can - but yourself.
Scott, the truth is that neither of us can fight the demon. Only God can do that for us. The problem is that people try to do it themselves. The only solution is giving your life to Christ. You need to trust him with your life, your soul, and your destiny. No, I mean really, really trust him. Not just "yes I believe in God". Satan believes too and trembles because he knows his eternal destiny is in Hell. But you, Scott, don't have to go to Hell. That is a choice you can still make.

My life has never been better than to know that my eternal destiny is out of reach of Satan and secure in the hands of Jesus Christ! My life still has some bumps but I know they will work out because Christ is in control!

Scott, as I am sure you can imagine, I have regular contact with people who have suicidal thoughts and ideas. I am convinced many times over that the real and long term solution for these people is Christ. I would suggest you read this passage in the bible: book of John, chapter 5, verses 1-20 (or the entire chapter if you wish). He could not take care of his own problems though he tried many times. Christ was his only option. He was changed. Forever.

To make it easier, I will copy and paste the above passage here but I would still encourage you to go read it:
Quote:
Mark 5:1-20 And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes. And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains: Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones. But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him, And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many. And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country. Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them. And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand) and were choked in the sea. And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done. And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid. And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine. And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts. And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him. Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee. And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel.
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  #18  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperiorPower View Post
To make it easier, I will copy and paste the above passage here but I would still encourage you to go read it:
That is beautiful. I really appreciate your efforts.

I do have a bible, & I will give it a good read tonight. Thank you.

I should give this a shot before anything drastic, you guys are right.

I wish I could invite all of you the the barbecue I'm doing tonight... Thought it was gonna be 10+ outside, though it friggen looks like it's going to storm now. Oh well, I have gloves. Hahaha!

I appreciate everything. Thank you.
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  #19  
Old 03-12-2010, 05:49 PM
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stay strong brother, we like having you around.

Last edited by ProCut TM; 03-12-2010 at 05:49 PM. Reason: wish I could be at your BBQ too
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