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  • #16
    Steve, i too lost someone very close to me a few years ago, and it is a hard way to have your eye's opened.

    Dreams, Hopes, Desires, the things that we all strive for, work for, struggle for, what are they? Ya know i was just sitting here talking to my wife about this, and she had a very simple, straight forward response, and i quote " Well" she said " I think it all comes down to perspective, the way one looks at the things in there life. I sit here and think, what makes me happy, what do i want out of life, then i stop myself, why focus on wants, when i have all i need" end quote. She got me to thinking, i know what she was saying, we all want lots of things, though they may be diffrent, the want is in all of us. But in life what are the things i need to be happy? is this not the real question we should be asking? I am happy to have food on the table and yes even steak a couple times a month, i am so so happy to have my 3 kids, i am happy to have a roof over our heads, paid for cars to drive, and i am happy to have alot of what we all need even if alot of people don't admit it, LOVE, so should we be looking for what we want, or what we need, and how do we know the diffrence?
    is it half empty or half full?
    YOUR WIFE NAILED IT ON THE HEAD OF THE NAIL.

    Also for you people who think they know what love is or claim to be in "LOVE" I want to share a famous quote I found, and this quote

    "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

    Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."
    -^-v-Grass is always greener on the other side-^-v-

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    • #17


      Sorry to hear about your friend Steve. I been in a situation like that myself. I was lost, confused, and depressed. I thought of it, but never could push myself to it. I seen no point in doing such a thing. I realized much more to life to make you happy. Bad things eventually go away, but happiness is here for eternity.
      -^-v-Grass is always greener on the other side-^-v-

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      • #18
        Steve, I am really sorry to hear about your friend. There are no words that anyone can say that will totally heal the wounds of anyone, family or friends when something like this happens.

        Some people do reach out, and if a person thinks about it, someone who does reach out should be considered as lucky enough to have that strength. Not everyone does have the strength to ask for help and that is a terrible shame.

        I have dealt with many suicides and attempted suicides during my career in law enforcement, and I can assure you there is NO single answer as to why anyone would choose this path, and also there is NO simple answer either. The one thing that always came to my mind in these situations, is the person for whatever reason, chose the permanent answer to a temporary problem.

        One may never completely heal or get over a mental issue, but there is help and anyone considering suicide should know that someone, and maybe the last person they might normally think of, DOES care and will go to the end of the earth to help if they can. I truly wish your friend had reached out to someone and would have found that strength to get through his issues. He was most likely loved by many more people than he could have dreamed of...and I think almost all of us are.

        To you, his friends and his family, I give my condolences and that you all find a way to heal faster.

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        • #19
          Steve Sorry to hear about your friend.
          These stories always seem to hit home in two ways for me .
          (one)5 years ago I lost my best friend of 33 years gambling did him in.
          He was always looking for the quick dollar, Amway, or what ever pyramid
          scheme that came along that was him But the VLT's got Him to the tune of $200,000.00
          He had finally dug a hole he could not get out of.
          Strange thing is he kept it hidden from us all. We did not have a clue till he was gone.

          (Two) I suffer from sever depression I some time get in dark funks that can last
          for weeks, But I have some of the greatest Friends and Family that a guy could ever want and they watch out for me. I know that the difference between life and death if a razor thin line, I have been there standing on the edge looking down all there is to see is darkness but it seems so much better then the crazy techno color madness of day to day life. But as I had said its my safety net of Friends and family (and some real good drugs) that help me face each day.
          April has been a very bad month for me I lost my Mother on April 1st Rain rain rain and tiring to start a new company its been very stressful but I am making it though day by day.
          Your friend sounded like a great guy cherish his memory and he will be there for you any time you need him.
          It good to talk about it and with that I'm off to get a coffee and talk with the guys and watch the rain, Today is a good day.

          Graham

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          • #20
            Oh I am sorry about your mom.

            I suffer from sever depression I some time get in dark funks that can last
            for weeks
            Do you ever wonder if depression is something new we deal with because of the society we live in now or do you feel that depression has always been with us through out time?
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            • #21
              Depression has always been around
              It just we know so much more about it now we are starting to understand that it is an illness and it can be treated.
              My Mom suffered from it and from what I understand so did her Father.
              It is nothing more then a chemical imbalance in the brain.
              I am lucky I saw how it effected my Mom and knew what it was and that it was not something to fear or be embarrassed about. I have stood up to it and am fighting it head on.
              Yes I have my bad days were I just don't want to get out of bed ,were the whole world seems to sitting on my shoulders, but I get up I clear my head take my Meds and get on with my life.
              I have a great life I have a fantastic Wife who is loving and understanding and supportive of me a wonderful Family that is always there for me and a great group of Friends who really care about me and look out for me.
              It just some days for what ever reason I find it hard to see it though the haze in my mind but I give my head a shake and there they are.
              I could go on and on but I will start to get boring.

              So Steve how are you feeling.
              Has this forum been able to help you with this, Has it helped answer any of those many questions that are bouncing around in your head.
              I hope so.

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              • #22
                I think a real important lesson I learned from all of this is that you never know what is going on in someone else's head. You may think someone is doing great and because of that, you might not talk to them and see how they are feeling.

                But I think everyone needs outlets to vent.
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                • #23
                  I actually had a friend in High School come up to me and tell me that he was going home and was going to commit suicide. Luckily I was able to get a hold of his brother who then called his parents. He almost succeeded but they got there in time to save him. Now he is a grandpa and loving it.
                  Pat

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                  • #24
                    I think a real important lesson I learned from all of this is that you never know what is going on in someone else's head. You may think someone is doing great and because of that, you might not talk to them and see how they are feeling.

                    But I think everyone needs outlets to vent.
                    That is the great thing about these Forums.
                    We know each other due to our occupation but not personally so we can vent to each other with out any shame or guilt, and we can reply and help reassure without feeling we are imposing or over stepping our friendship.

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                    • #25
                      I actually had a friend in High School come up to me and tell me that he was going home and was going to commit suicide. Luckily I was able to get a hold of his brother who then called his parents. He almost succeeded but they got there in time to save him. Now he is a grandpa and loving it.
                      This is the sign of a true friend, He trusted in you not to let him do it,
                      You did what was right and you helped save him, By telling you he was going to do it meant he was having second thoughts and he knew that you wouldn't let him go though with it. You can be my Friend any time you sir are a true and caring person.

                      Graham

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                      • #26
                        Although this post probably doesn't belong in a section called the pursuit of happiness, I think it deals with it in a way.

                        I got an email last night about a friend who was a musician and had spent most of his life trying to 'make it.' Or break through and reach that thing we all call fame. He was a talented musician and seemed to have many many friends. Yet over last weekend, he put a pistol to his head and killed himself.

                        Most of today I have been seen posts on websites from people I hadn't heard from in a while all reaching out in shock of this.

                        As I sit here reading it, I thought to myself, how? With such a large support group, how does one find themselves so isolated? Can you imagine if he had just made a post somewhere or sent an email or made a call and said, 'I am really depressed.' Could someone have then been able to help?

                        With the internet, news travels fast. We all seem to be more connected now than ever before, yet are we really?

                        Are we better off now than in the past before the internet?

                        How has the internet effected us and our support group?

                        Also when you are a musician, you may have a fan base but are these people part of your support group? Can they help you?

                        I don't know about any of this yet. I just thought I would throw these thoughts out and see if anyone had any insight.

                        Thanks
                        Steve,

                        I know that I am going through so very hard times right now. Most of my life i was involved in Church. Sunday morning, Sunday nights, Wed nights, etc. Big in the youth, I preached some, teached many age classes and then crash!!

                        To make it short I moved my family away for a better job. We lived there for about 4 years and then moved back here. Two of my kids had moved on with there lives but the other two were home. We went back to our home Church where so much had changed. The kids were not welcomed back and a lot of our friends had moved away. We just stopped going. I had many issues with one of my kids and reached out for church friends and not one person wanted to get involved. I went to Church today and it started out okay but then I got to thinking about all the pain and disipointment. Just turned off with Church people now. Never thought this Baptist would drop out cold turkey. You talk about isolation and sad. I love my wife and family but one of the best parts of my life is missing. I have tried other Church's but just cannot move on. Deep inside I have so much pain and anger and maybe I am working so hard with lawns and my full time job to keep me from feeling all this. I may go back and delete this in the morning but just have a heavy heart right now. This form has been my Church. The people have not judged me but only wanted to help me. And it has been a blessing.

                        In closing I think you are right in that is a lot of hurt with folks today but we just push it around and do the best to deal with it because people do not have a clue how to help. It's like a yard with weeds. You mow it and it look nice but two days later and the weeds are back again. It needs to be pulled up by the roots but someone has to do it. Some of us may just be too weak to have the tools to up root it all.

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                        • #27
                          Well as i have metioned on here before, I used to work for a very lg corp. as a manager for 15 years. In this role i had to make decisions all day long, but my answers were all based off of the corporate guide lines, so how much was I really using my brain? Now on the other hand as a small business owner I really have to think things through in more detail, make my own guide lines, in its own way is rewarding, right or wrong it gives you more of a sense of control. For those in a job, or chasing that dream, how much control do they really have, it all depends on someone they most likely dont know from adam saying yes or no, And more often then not no is the answer they get.
                          I felt i was stuck, could not be happy, hated my job so much seemed endless. Then ine day i just had enough, kids grown, and though i still needed an income i just quite, the after the first month trying to figure out where and what to do, i started my LCO, though time is consumed , i am so much more happy then ever, i feel like i am in control of my own destiny now.

                          So I really think it changes the mind set in the sense that we are not waiting for our ship to come in, we are swimming out to it.
                          I hope that is the case with me. I have been a manager since 1992. Before that I owned my own business. I am now 53 are growing my part time lawn care and working my full time job. I love the lawn care and maybe one day I can do it full time. Thanks for your comment.

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                          • #28
                            Depression has always been around
                            It just we know so much more about it now we are starting to understand that it is an illness and it can be treated.
                            My Mom suffered from it and from what I understand so did her Father.
                            It is nothing more then a chemical imbalance in the brain.
                            I am lucky I saw how it effected my Mom and knew what it was and that it was not something to fear or be embarrassed about. I have stood up to it and am fighting it head on.
                            Yes I have my bad days were I just don't want to get out of bed ,were the whole world seems to sitting on my shoulders, but I get up I clear my head take my Meds and get on with my life.
                            I have a great life I have a fantastic Wife who is loving and understanding and supportive of me a wonderful Family that is always there for me and a great group of Friends who really care about me and look out for me.
                            It just some days for what ever reason I find it hard to see it though the haze in my mind but I give my head a shake and there they are.
                            I could go on and on but I will start to get boring.

                            So Steve how are you feeling.
                            Has this forum been able to help you with this, Has it helped answer any of those many questions that are bouncing around in your head.
                            I hope so.
                            Ducke how does one go about getting the right meds? Man I hate the feeling I get at times. When I get down I get way down. And yes like you I think about taking my life. I love my kids, wife and family but sometimes life just sucks. I feel no one sees me, no one hears me, no one cares for me. Just pop out a bible verse and think that is going to do it. We great if it help them but I need more. Problem is I don't know what it is that I need. I like it when my family show love to me. I love it when I start on a lawn and then look at the finished work afterwords. But just think about this. Living out at 53 years old and when your funner times in life were in your teen. Because of sports and my personality. I was alway a part of the party.

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