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View Full Version : You know you are a lawn maintenance professional when....


CHEESE2009
09-29-2012, 11:59 PM
I expect all of you to add to this!


YOU KNOW YOU ARE A LAWN MAINTENANCE PROFESSIONAL WHEN....


"WHAT?" (shouted) becomes the most used word of your vocabulary.

The only clean socks you own, are the socks you bought today.

You're the gas stations most profitable client.

Speed bumps and potholes are your biggest threat.

You drive better with a trailer attached to your truck.

All of your most interesting stories are related to grass somehow.

You've trimmed an entire backyard, because getting the lawn mower for some reason seemed more tiring.

You don't remember what grass smells like anymore.

Sprinkler Buddy
09-30-2012, 06:24 AM
You keep thinking to yourself, "The grass looks greener on the other side."

Caskey Lawns & Landscapes
09-30-2012, 07:02 AM
You swing wide to make turns when your not even towing your trailer......

You back into all parking spots .......

Lawn Cop
09-30-2012, 07:07 AM
When stepping in dog poop does not piss you off as much as it did when you first started.

Sprinkler Buddy
09-30-2012, 08:40 AM
When you sharpen and change the mower blades as often if not more than you need to refuel your mowers.

Sprinkler Buddy
09-30-2012, 08:47 AM
When having a flat tire, is no big deal.

Apex Lawn & Landscape
09-30-2012, 10:48 AM
- when you keep on mowing when the customer is CLEARLY trying to get your attention .

- when your at the truck but dont string the trimmer because you can confidently trim with 1 half piece at half the speed.

- when your shoes have the faded green from the front on back and you don't care.

- when you just spent $20 on eye protection and you can't find a single pair .

- when you just left the gas station and realize you need gas .

- when the phrase .." hmm I think she doesn't need it this week" gets overused just because you dont want to get out of the truck &" you can't stand THAT F*ng yard.

- " babe just give me a minute..I worked so hard today " ( maybe 2 yards lol )

- when not at work and all a sudden a grey cloud swallows your right eye and you use everything in your possession to try and get it out.

- when you calmly do a discrete happy dance at the mailbox after receiving some long awaited checks.

- when you almost break up cuz your better half didn't wash your favorite pair of work jeans.

- when the trailer becomes your hockey stick and slap shots every trash can thats anywhere near the roadways.

- when you've just bull****ted a customer for 20 minutes and clearly didnt have a clue what you were talking about.

- you will do anything to get around taking off your boots.

- during the work day all females that are 3 & 4's have turned into 8 & 9's .

CHEESE2009
09-30-2012, 11:59 AM
When you reverse search a phone number to find an address, before calling the caller back.


This is too funny!

Von Bobbeh
10-01-2012, 09:39 AM
When the sound of electric lawn equipment incites manic laughter.

When you seriously consider throwing herbicide onto deadbeat clients yard at night.

When you snicker when spraying herbicide on large weeds "HAHAHAHA! I am the plant GOD and you DIE"

When most of your costumers have nicknames that they can never find out about (they probably wouldn't be costumers for much longer)

When you decide you F'ing LOVE old people who have money and 5 minute attention span (less time wasted BS'ing).

JLM
10-01-2012, 04:49 PM
You get up in the morning and walk like you got POLIO:D

Hedgemaster
10-01-2012, 07:32 PM
When stepping in dog poop does not piss you off as much as it did when you first started.


I don't think I'll ever be a professional. I hit several landmines today and I was angry the rest of the day.

Nasty.

CHEESE2009
10-01-2012, 11:05 PM
I don't think I'll ever be a professional. I hit several landmines today and I was angry the rest of the day.

Nasty.


I suppose he meant that maybe it's something we all pretty much expect out of the days... When murphy's law hits, it's nothing new to us anymore. lol

myblacktruck
10-02-2012, 05:55 AM
[When most of your costumers have nicknames that they can never find out about (they probably wouldn't be costumers for much longer)


This one is too funny, me and my nephew have names for most of them. Sometimes when they come to the door i really gotta think real fast what there real name is lol:D

PR-Fect
10-04-2012, 04:22 PM
When most of your costumers have nicknames that they can never find out about (they probably wouldn't be costumers for much longer)

This one could be a whole nother thread! LMAO:D

PR-Fect
10-04-2012, 04:26 PM
when the phrase .." hmm I think she doesn't need it this week" gets overused just because you dont want to get out of the truck &" you can't stand THAT F*ng yard.

Now I'm RLMAO

OK, how about when you are right about the weather more times than the 3 weather forcasts that you checked.

Von Bobbeh
10-05-2012, 11:28 AM
When you can fill a dozen gas tanks a day and never spill, you'll even fill tanks over grass because you're so confident and then you spill. A lot.

When your mowers and trimmers have names and personalities... and you talk to them.

You want to go homicidal when costumers ask "what time will you show up" (WE'RE GRASS CUTTERS NOT CHAUFFEURS)

You prioritize what mower gets poopy lawns and what one stays clean.

You have a complex formula for correcting crooked lines caused by rocking out while mowing (I <3 my Ipod)

... Yes I will send you the invoice, NO I don't want to come get my check Saturday morning.

You don't give a shyt what race someone is, what they drive, where they live or what they do "what mower do they got?"

Your cell phone ringing either makes you happy or want to die... depending on how long it's been since you cashed a check.

CHEESE2009
10-06-2012, 02:03 PM
This is you (in your mind), when a client calls:

http://ka-graphicdesign.com/lis753/madmen/images/donphone.jpg


How you really are..

http://cloudfront.bostinno.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/lazy.jpg

Caskey Lawns & Landscapes
10-07-2012, 06:55 AM
Can't be !!! The t-shirt has no stains on it !!!:D

Apex Lawn & Landscape
10-07-2012, 08:41 AM
This is you (in your mind), when a client calls:

http://ka-graphicdesign.com/lis753/madmen/images/donphone.jpg


How you really are..

http://cloudfront.bostinno.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/lazy.jpg

LOLLLL! Cheese do u have a file folder that says " random pics for every scenario " ?

AkersLawn
10-09-2012, 01:48 PM
When you sit on gopherforum all day at the community college because getting a degree for the business you already own just seems silly.

Telling potential customers vague terms such as "we do it all" to find out just what they want from you.

Having the gas station teller know what route youre on, and exactly what kind of smokes you like.

Finding out certain customers schedules to show up when they arent home.

Pulling up to wendys, telling sheri it is al, and you want the "usual"

Having milf fantasies about your customers.

When "thinking outside the box" is thinking about how much better you could build your trimmer holsters.

You can singlehandedly back up to your trailer hitch on the first try.

Your truck just feels fast when you aren't working.

Your friends call you up for various "favors" relating to their landscapes.



This is by far the best thread ive read in a while !!!

Apex Lawn & Landscape
10-09-2012, 11:55 PM
Lol Akers..the Wendy's , milf fantasies & first try with the hitch were all money!!

AkersLawn
10-10-2012, 10:55 AM
Haha I love it, this sh*t makes me feel like I may in fact not be crazy, and you guys have the same miserable existence as myself!! hahahaa

Lopes Lawn Care
10-10-2012, 02:24 PM
you try to use your truck keys in your car.
being done with work doesn't mean your done with work.
weekends don't exist.
you have no friends.
your girlfriend doesn't understand why your broke when your always working.


This thread is great! Definitely don't feel crazy now. Love the nicknames one. Me and my guy have a nickname for everyone and definitely have come close to calling some customers by them.

Some popular ones include, "miracle bird" (saw a bird get killed by other birds then watched it come back to life and fly away 30 mins later), "cancer ramp", "ring leader", "cocaine vinny"(pastor that used to have a crazy coke habit back in the day), "bird rape" (customer was attacked by birds and had to get stitches after wearing red on a walk during mating season), "batty kathy" (she was just a customer that was "chatty" but she has started to lose her mind and become a problem so we call her batty kathy now.

avetslawncare
10-10-2012, 04:21 PM
You wonder why the post office takes 2 weeks to deliver a check from a house 10 minutes away (slack customers, who said they sent the check)

Your idea of shopping is going to get a new Stihl weed eater

You eat a certain fast food restaurant every day of the week bc it is on your route

You store customers numbers just to avoid phone calls

You take the whole rig to run to wal mart bc you are too slack to take the trailer off

You have the worse looking yard on the block

people don't recognize you outside of work bc you're actually clean

you avoid neighbors bc they want favors

you wear stihl glasses wherever you go

everything in your trailer is worth more than your truck

never been to the gym and still in great shape

CHEESE2009
10-10-2012, 04:32 PM
You store customers numbers just to avoid phone calls



lmao, very true. I hate when they call me from numbers I don't recognize!

Grass Doctor
10-10-2012, 05:51 PM
when you feel like u dont want to do it no more but as soon as you start, your u get pump back again to your goals.

aduttonater
10-10-2012, 06:35 PM
When you forgot the customers name when you were drunk the previous night and took the call without writing down all the information. Just remembering the house address and street name in your head. Then you call back the next day and get voice mail that says "Hi you have reached __________." and now you have the name of that person for your records.

When you have beers on a Monday with the customer and your two other team members.

When you drive the customers car to get those beers.

When you break your Galaxy SIII because you were jumping to touch up that last spot on the tree and your phone falls out of your back pocket. 4 days after purchase.

When you can think of so much more examples of "when you...", but for now have several other Gopher Forums with great valuable content to review over.

CHEESE2009
10-10-2012, 09:32 PM
The side of the clients house, behind the fence, is your secret toilet.

jrayb39667
10-10-2012, 09:37 PM
The side of the clients house, behind the fence, is your secret toilet.

LMAO!!! or you're taking a squat in the woods hoping no one sees you go in and come back out!!

willshome
10-10-2012, 10:02 PM
LMAO!!! or you're taking a squat in the woods hoping no one sees you go in and come back out!!

<a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=2a68368" target="_blank"><img src="http://i47.tinypic.com/2a68368.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>

aduttonater
10-11-2012, 08:37 PM
When your helper wants to go home at 4 because you said that's the time we'll leave, then the time comes and you state that you didn't specify whether it would be 4 or 4:45.

When you've created competition overtime by having people help you, then they quit and think they can do it themselves.

When you get angry at your helpers for soaking down with the customers hose because it's hot. It's still unprofessional. Lol

.... Keep em coming. These are great especially the peeing on customers walls. I try not to put my self in that situation but from time to time I find my self having to do so. Helpers are the worse.

avetslawncare
10-11-2012, 10:50 PM
when you start cutting the grass higher as the grass is slowly growing at the end of the season do you know they will want you to come back in 2 weeks ;)

CHEESE2009
10-11-2012, 11:34 PM
Cutting grass is easy, getting out of the truck is hard work!

LawnBoy0311
10-12-2012, 05:22 AM
When your helper wants to go home at 4 because you said that's the time we'll leave, then the time comes and you state that you didn't specify whether it would be 4 or 4:45.

When you've created competition overtime by having people help you, then they quit and think they can do it themselves.

When you get angry at your helpers for soaking down with the customers hose because it's hot. It's still unprofessional. Lol



Agree 1,000000000000000%! My helper seems to think he gets unlimited sick days. He called out yesterday, then begs not to get fired.

When a dirt front yard makes you happy. Less mowing.

CHEESE2009
10-12-2012, 09:19 AM
You get mad when you go out of your way to cut grass, but the grass hasn't grown at all.... Yet, approaching a lawn with grass that has grown also makes you mad...

.... Everything makes you mad.

http://www.google.ca/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://kulchadyet.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/sad-man1.gif&sa=X&ei=nil4UO_PEYmu0AG0ooD4Bw&ved=0CAwQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGFxBEGrk_XmxlJbH-o7BI50ydAgA

jsslawncare
10-12-2012, 09:15 PM
Oh, good its not just me that does all of these things.I save the number's in my phone but their name will be "Dont Answer 1,2,3 and so on) I too have my peeing spot's..

CHEESE2009
10-14-2012, 12:20 PM
When you avoid a 'clingy' client, and get caught having to explain yourself - you become the master of lying and persuasion.

Client: How come I couldn't get a hold of you?!

Me: OH I'M TERRIBLY SORRY! My brother had gone on a trip, and I wanted for him to take my phone so that he can contact the family... That way we can sleep at night knowing he's ok! ... I'm terribly sorry for that, but he doesn't have a phone of his own.

Client: Oh, well that's very good of you!

Me: Well I'm sorry for the inconvenience. If ever there is an emergency, you can use the email that's on our contract to contact me! :)

-

AFTER I FINISHED MOWING

Client: Do you have a number of a guy who can cut down trees?

Me: Yes!

Client: I have a pen, can you just write it down for me?

Me: I don't know the number by heart, I have to get my (about to say phone) BOOK from the truck.

... close one...

Von Bobbeh
10-17-2012, 01:30 AM
You decide to take a week for yourself and family and consolidate it all into your off week. Next monday the customer comes running out with last months bill declaring "OH MY I'm SORRY I should have sent this before! I had thought you wouldn't come anymore"

And you think, Yes little customer be afraid if you don't pay I will drop you Mwuahahahahah
http://www.movieparliament.com/uploads/4/6/6/0/4660014/3171904_orig.jpg
Thank you for paying me.

CHEESE2009
10-20-2012, 07:30 PM
You decide to take a week for yourself and family and consolidate it all into your off week. Next monday the customer comes running out with last months bill declaring "OH MY I'm SORRY I should have sent this before! I had thought you wouldn't come anymore"

And you think, Yes little customer be afraid if you don't pay I will drop you Mwuahahahahah
http://www.movieparliament.com/uploads/4/6/6/0/4660014/3171904_orig.jpg
Thank you for paying me.


LMAO, that's even the face I make.

CHEESE2009
10-26-2012, 05:59 PM
You have bruises on your right knee from banging it against the trailer, trying to hop over the hitch point of your truck.

Hedgemaster
10-26-2012, 07:57 PM
When your boogers are as black as Cheese's SOUL!


http://i1.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/250/draft_lens17502131module147315141photo_1295188812n osepick.jpg

Matther777
10-26-2012, 11:57 PM
HAHAHAHAH Ah this is good!!:rolleyes:

Matther777
10-27-2012, 12:05 AM
You have gone through a drive through with the trailer still attached.

stevef1201
10-27-2012, 05:04 AM
You have gone through a drive through with the trailer still attached.

Been there, done that! The look on that girls face was priceless

Hedgemaster
10-27-2012, 09:14 AM
You have gone through a drive through with the trailer still attached.

I don't follow...

Are you talking a fast food drive through, or a drive through beer distributor? (We don't have many of those here)

stevef1201
10-27-2012, 11:04 AM
I don't follow...

Are you talking a fast food drive through, or a drive through beer distributor? (We don't have many of those here)

mcdonalds, and yes the beverage store

aduttonater
10-27-2012, 06:05 PM
When your bicep workout consists of lifting 20'' echo hedgers for 2 hours on some huge *** oleanders.

When your water fountain is the convenience store across the street, because of neglect to bring the 5 gallon water jug.

When you call it a day early because your hung over fro the night before, but still managed to make great progress that day.

When you start spending $$$ on valuable software that can boost your business beyond the clouds.

Mike@Redneck Lawncare
10-27-2012, 10:36 PM
Well according to my mother-in- law I am just a Lawn monkey. So is that close to being a professional.

patrick6411
10-28-2012, 04:54 AM
When your wife asks why a customer's yard looks so much better then yours!!