CHEESE2009
01-01-2010, 09:44 PM
So happy new years to everyone, I spent the night drinking champagne with my friend & playing video games, it was a great time. Especially after we polished off a bottle of Jack & coke.
So on to my story....
Basically I have my real family, & then I have the family that I care for just as much as the first.
The second family though, is going through & has gone through hell.
I'm basically a really good family friend.
So I'm trying to figure out where to begin... The husband & wife are not in love, well the wife hasn't loved her husband sense he cheated on her half a life time ago. They don't share the same bed, or sleep on the same floor of the house together.
The husband is a nice man, & runs his own hardly even successful business.
This has caused him to provide less for his family, as if they were in a third world country.
The wife is from a certain background & is not really all there, an extreme lack of marbles. She is the type of person to have a deep conversation with a 10 year old & take everything the kids say as if they are experts on life situations. It's really, really odd.
Anyway, most people in town know the wife is crazy & not even close to logical.
This couple, the husband & wife have two kids. One is a teenager, while the other is probably 8-10 or something.
The family has been through therapy, because of all the violence & arguing. It's seriously a nightmare for me to sit through them arguing, as I'm always expected to get involved & hold people back from hurting each other.
The family has agreed to do their best with the family therapy, & they did not have to continue after their third year. Even though nothing necessarily changed, they kept it from the social workers & government, so the kids would not be taken away, as they live in a horrible environment.
When a family argument happens, the mothers first threat is to call the police, the social workers (which would have the kids taken away). Which only makes the problem worse.
The kids are as normal as they can be, & I wouldn't expect them to be any different then they are. Though the parents do realize & take the blame for it, they have lost control over the peace, & realize they are unfit to be parents.
Imaging growing up in a nice suburban town, & there is this one house that stands out a lot more than the rest. This is that house.
The husband received the house after his mothers death (she was the previous owner)
Windows have been broken & cardboard has replaced them for more than 10 years.
Their lawn is totally warped & a complete disaster, I offer free lawn service once per month just so they don't get a ticket from having it over grow. They have gotten tickets in the past.
I have also been on their roof to check their gutters, I went up, came right back down after I realized I could have died.
The roof is as sturdy as a tarp lying over a body of water. Seriously.
The house has painters tape outlined in all of the hallways & living room, but was never painted for several years.
The entire house is a junk storage it seems. The front yard even has a palette & busted coat racks on it, with a bunch of junk wrappers tossed around it... for years.
A stick in the ground is what they've stabled their mail box to.
Actually, the mail box is stabled to a real estate agents "for sale sign", with a stick holding it up.
Everyone has been wondering when the house will be sold, when in fact it's just what they use for their mailbox, it's horrid.
ON TO MY POINT
One of the kids & the mother do not get along at all, I never usually take a kids side against an adults, but everyone who has met this mother has wondered why she has custody of the children.
They fight physically, threaten each other, throw objects around to the point someone will actually be killed if no one steps in.
This kid is extremely frustrated, & just wants a better life. The kid really wants to get away from the family. I do not blame the kid.
I have seen the way the family tries to resolve a simple problem, by only edging the argument on & trying to get the kid to make a wrong move. Then the cops will be called, one of the many threats to show parental power :rolleyes: very pathetic.
Basically the mother is out of this world, & doesn't realize how children should be raised in a nice suburban town in Canada. The children are actually warped & the biggest problem is there is no guidance. The parents cannot help their children without it seeming like act of rudeness towards them while instead it's a simple plead for help.
The mother has threatened on a weekly base to send the older kid to a group home, that she has had enough & doesn't care anymore.
The kid has run away countless times, mostly to me for questions & a shoulder.
So the kid tells me that the parents are willing to divorce their kid & give custody to my family if they are interested.
So later on, I receive a phone call, the was kicked out of the house & I was to arrive & pick up all of the belongings & bring them & the kid back to my mothers.
From there I discuss it with my mother & do the best I can to describe the situation, for I am not legally allowed to take custody of anyone because I apparently need to be married.
My mother knew most of the problem, that it was an unhealthy family & is somewhat interested but fearful of the situation.
I talk with the kid & we have come to a decision to go back just to have a chat with the parents to clear everything up.
The kid refuses to go home, & the parents understand & are letting the kid stay at a friends house until I am able to sort things out with my mother.
They do not want to lose custody of the kid (half the time), but they are willing to do the paperwork in order for my mother to receive custody.
So while with the family, we are all sitting on different couches. The mother had the nerve to say, "What are you doing here?" and went on to say I'm the reason for all of the problems.
The husband looked at me with that, "we know my wife is crazy" look.
So after taking the blame for everything, they put me on the spot & tell me I put these thoughts in their kids mind to make it never want to return home.
So confusing. I take a step back & let everyone have their say until the mother opens her big mouth & makes a few unnecessary rude comments to her kid. Which starts a fight where I'm holding the kid back & the husband is holding the wife back.
Then I'm getting blamed for not holding the kid back against the wife, as if it's my damn child & I'm the one to blame for it's actions.
Like, "sorry I can't run your family, feel free to blame me, the only guy willing to pick up the pieces of a puzzle that can't be put back together!"
it's always been like that, I'm always the bad guy.
Then the mother says something contradicting, "We know we raised our children wrong" sure, you did, but it's fact that you could never raise a damn kid EVER. It disgusts me to see this family TRY to keep it together.
Anyway, I'm basically the middle man. I need to convince my mother that taking custody of this young adult is a big thing, but the kid shouldn't be rejected.
If I could, I would. And if I figure out how exactly my mother can do this, I would be grateful to empty my pockets to make things right.
The reason only one kid is allowed to leave, is because if the parents are upset & call social services to get back into therapy, they will take BOTH children away. So by divorcing one of their children into my mothers custody, they will avoid that section of the government.
I feel bad for the younger kid, but hopefully the parents can focus all of their attention on at least one. It's so sad to see, such a lonely kid with no friends just sitting by watching the family go down the drain.
Anyway, I just was wondering if anyone had any advice? Like I'm not a parent or anything, I don't understand what must happen for this kid to be in my mothers custody.
I really just want all of you to share your thoughts, I am out of my own. I am stuck between a rock & a hard place.
If I don't get my mother to receive custody of this kid, the kid has sworn to never go back to the parents, & if the kid does, it's off to the group home.
My mother isn't interested in talking to the parents because she will lose control of her actions. She was surprised to receive a phone call from the other mother saying, "Hi, would you sign papers to take custody of my child?"
Unbelievable.
I really need to do something, but what power do I have? How does the system work? Does the company that puts the child into my mothers custody give some sort of monthly $$$ support? Or is it a whole new chapter & a sudden risky investment?
How possible is this? The parents want the kid to be with my family, though they wont let it stay with us until the papers are signed, so the kid is currently staying at friends.
I'm so lost & I feel so awful.
I even gave the kid my extra cell phone, just so the parents are able to make contact.
I just don't know what to do... I wish I did. I loved this family, I never billed them for work, even building them a patio was just me saying I'm glad I could help.
So this has been my post, once again I have impressed myself. Who the hell else has such RANDOM stories to tell so often?
Wish me luck!
So on to my story....
Basically I have my real family, & then I have the family that I care for just as much as the first.
The second family though, is going through & has gone through hell.
I'm basically a really good family friend.
So I'm trying to figure out where to begin... The husband & wife are not in love, well the wife hasn't loved her husband sense he cheated on her half a life time ago. They don't share the same bed, or sleep on the same floor of the house together.
The husband is a nice man, & runs his own hardly even successful business.
This has caused him to provide less for his family, as if they were in a third world country.
The wife is from a certain background & is not really all there, an extreme lack of marbles. She is the type of person to have a deep conversation with a 10 year old & take everything the kids say as if they are experts on life situations. It's really, really odd.
Anyway, most people in town know the wife is crazy & not even close to logical.
This couple, the husband & wife have two kids. One is a teenager, while the other is probably 8-10 or something.
The family has been through therapy, because of all the violence & arguing. It's seriously a nightmare for me to sit through them arguing, as I'm always expected to get involved & hold people back from hurting each other.
The family has agreed to do their best with the family therapy, & they did not have to continue after their third year. Even though nothing necessarily changed, they kept it from the social workers & government, so the kids would not be taken away, as they live in a horrible environment.
When a family argument happens, the mothers first threat is to call the police, the social workers (which would have the kids taken away). Which only makes the problem worse.
The kids are as normal as they can be, & I wouldn't expect them to be any different then they are. Though the parents do realize & take the blame for it, they have lost control over the peace, & realize they are unfit to be parents.
Imaging growing up in a nice suburban town, & there is this one house that stands out a lot more than the rest. This is that house.
The husband received the house after his mothers death (she was the previous owner)
Windows have been broken & cardboard has replaced them for more than 10 years.
Their lawn is totally warped & a complete disaster, I offer free lawn service once per month just so they don't get a ticket from having it over grow. They have gotten tickets in the past.
I have also been on their roof to check their gutters, I went up, came right back down after I realized I could have died.
The roof is as sturdy as a tarp lying over a body of water. Seriously.
The house has painters tape outlined in all of the hallways & living room, but was never painted for several years.
The entire house is a junk storage it seems. The front yard even has a palette & busted coat racks on it, with a bunch of junk wrappers tossed around it... for years.
A stick in the ground is what they've stabled their mail box to.
Actually, the mail box is stabled to a real estate agents "for sale sign", with a stick holding it up.
Everyone has been wondering when the house will be sold, when in fact it's just what they use for their mailbox, it's horrid.
ON TO MY POINT
One of the kids & the mother do not get along at all, I never usually take a kids side against an adults, but everyone who has met this mother has wondered why she has custody of the children.
They fight physically, threaten each other, throw objects around to the point someone will actually be killed if no one steps in.
This kid is extremely frustrated, & just wants a better life. The kid really wants to get away from the family. I do not blame the kid.
I have seen the way the family tries to resolve a simple problem, by only edging the argument on & trying to get the kid to make a wrong move. Then the cops will be called, one of the many threats to show parental power :rolleyes: very pathetic.
Basically the mother is out of this world, & doesn't realize how children should be raised in a nice suburban town in Canada. The children are actually warped & the biggest problem is there is no guidance. The parents cannot help their children without it seeming like act of rudeness towards them while instead it's a simple plead for help.
The mother has threatened on a weekly base to send the older kid to a group home, that she has had enough & doesn't care anymore.
The kid has run away countless times, mostly to me for questions & a shoulder.
So the kid tells me that the parents are willing to divorce their kid & give custody to my family if they are interested.
So later on, I receive a phone call, the was kicked out of the house & I was to arrive & pick up all of the belongings & bring them & the kid back to my mothers.
From there I discuss it with my mother & do the best I can to describe the situation, for I am not legally allowed to take custody of anyone because I apparently need to be married.
My mother knew most of the problem, that it was an unhealthy family & is somewhat interested but fearful of the situation.
I talk with the kid & we have come to a decision to go back just to have a chat with the parents to clear everything up.
The kid refuses to go home, & the parents understand & are letting the kid stay at a friends house until I am able to sort things out with my mother.
They do not want to lose custody of the kid (half the time), but they are willing to do the paperwork in order for my mother to receive custody.
So while with the family, we are all sitting on different couches. The mother had the nerve to say, "What are you doing here?" and went on to say I'm the reason for all of the problems.
The husband looked at me with that, "we know my wife is crazy" look.
So after taking the blame for everything, they put me on the spot & tell me I put these thoughts in their kids mind to make it never want to return home.
So confusing. I take a step back & let everyone have their say until the mother opens her big mouth & makes a few unnecessary rude comments to her kid. Which starts a fight where I'm holding the kid back & the husband is holding the wife back.
Then I'm getting blamed for not holding the kid back against the wife, as if it's my damn child & I'm the one to blame for it's actions.
Like, "sorry I can't run your family, feel free to blame me, the only guy willing to pick up the pieces of a puzzle that can't be put back together!"
it's always been like that, I'm always the bad guy.
Then the mother says something contradicting, "We know we raised our children wrong" sure, you did, but it's fact that you could never raise a damn kid EVER. It disgusts me to see this family TRY to keep it together.
Anyway, I'm basically the middle man. I need to convince my mother that taking custody of this young adult is a big thing, but the kid shouldn't be rejected.
If I could, I would. And if I figure out how exactly my mother can do this, I would be grateful to empty my pockets to make things right.
The reason only one kid is allowed to leave, is because if the parents are upset & call social services to get back into therapy, they will take BOTH children away. So by divorcing one of their children into my mothers custody, they will avoid that section of the government.
I feel bad for the younger kid, but hopefully the parents can focus all of their attention on at least one. It's so sad to see, such a lonely kid with no friends just sitting by watching the family go down the drain.
Anyway, I just was wondering if anyone had any advice? Like I'm not a parent or anything, I don't understand what must happen for this kid to be in my mothers custody.
I really just want all of you to share your thoughts, I am out of my own. I am stuck between a rock & a hard place.
If I don't get my mother to receive custody of this kid, the kid has sworn to never go back to the parents, & if the kid does, it's off to the group home.
My mother isn't interested in talking to the parents because she will lose control of her actions. She was surprised to receive a phone call from the other mother saying, "Hi, would you sign papers to take custody of my child?"
Unbelievable.
I really need to do something, but what power do I have? How does the system work? Does the company that puts the child into my mothers custody give some sort of monthly $$$ support? Or is it a whole new chapter & a sudden risky investment?
How possible is this? The parents want the kid to be with my family, though they wont let it stay with us until the papers are signed, so the kid is currently staying at friends.
I'm so lost & I feel so awful.
I even gave the kid my extra cell phone, just so the parents are able to make contact.
I just don't know what to do... I wish I did. I loved this family, I never billed them for work, even building them a patio was just me saying I'm glad I could help.
So this has been my post, once again I have impressed myself. Who the hell else has such RANDOM stories to tell so often?
Wish me luck!